Realities in your own perspective

So having now changed my working environment and released myself of all the daily stresses, I focused on my home situation. Isn't it funny how when we change ourselves to ensure we are better than we were, it is not always going to be good for those around us. This was certainly so in my personal relationships. It all started when I first discovered Lighter Life. A dieting programme that is extreme however very effective.

Part of the journey with them was learning about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). What is that I hear some of you say.....well at the time I had no clue either but sounded interesting as it involved changing your mind set around food or any other addiction. Little did I know that this first introduction to a change of mindset would later open my mind to other concepts such as NLP.

It was extremely successful in helping me to reduce my weight by over 5 stone within 3 months and forever change my eating habits and how I related to food. However there was an interesting twist in this story, I was so excited about reducing my weight that I didn't notice that in fact my ex-husband (husband at the time) actually was getting more and more insecure in our relationship.

What I didn't at the time was that I was not only changing shape and looking much better but my personality, confidence and behaviours had also changed. Basically my husband was now married to a different looking and behaving wife. Now for most people this would be a great result as of course our loved ones want us to be fit and healthy and look good and feel great about ourselves, don't they?

Well as it turned out, mine didn't. He suddenly became very insecure, wasn't happy with what I was wearing, kept checking up on me when out with friends or working late and we fought a lot! I couldn't understand it! Now I do..... having looked back and realised that in fact I was much more confident, wasn't settling for his bad behaviour, his insecurities and with him not having any ambitions to improve his life or our life. Then of course I joined the personal development world and that just turned our relationship inside out. Initially I was just going on these courses - however every time I returned home, I was significantly different as I had experienced so many shifts and changes in my thinking and even the way I looked.

Once you start learning this kind of information you can't undo it or go back to the old way of thinking and this is when the real problems started. I was so engrossed in this new life, this new me, this new environment and then in this new job that my husband could not really relate too. He had come on one of the intro events but I just felt the timing for him was not right and he didn't really get any of it. However he did remain supportive as he could see I was happy. However this was not to last as we great apart in so many ways.

I was aware this could happen as being in the position I was with the business I could see it happening to many couples - it either brings you closer together or reveals all the real cracks in your relationship. Unfortunately for us it was very much highlighting our differences and how much we had grown apart.

I then decided after a year of trying to work on it (especially with the tools I now had and the understanding I would not have had previously) however it has to come from both sides, and it didn't. To cut a very long boring story short, it ended rather badly and cost a lot of money and an entire year of heart ache, anger, daily living together challenges and all kinds of unwanted problems.

In the end he was removed from the property and 4 months later we were divorced. It was all terribly traumatic and something I have learnt a lot from never to do again.

I certainly hope he is happier now as I know I am. The last 3 years of my life have been the most challenging and yet most rewarding years and I am now seriously looking forward to 2012 continuing as it is as so far it has started superbly!

I look back on a personal level and realise how far I have come and so much better for it!