This morning I woke up to such a clear message in my head that I had to lie in bed for a few minutes and allow it to really sink in! For the past few weeks I have been restless, unhappy, unable to sleep well, emotional and just generally not at ease. Now it finally makes sense!
I have a passion for helping people realise their full potential within themselves as well as in their jobs/businesses or even relationships. It is something I have been doing all my life however I do not seem to have learnt the most important lesson of all, which is what I have FINALLY learnt TODAY!
The illusion of seeing the potential in someone and recognising for who they are right now in this present moment. It sounds very simple but for me it is a revelation. For as long as I can remember I can look at someone and when getting to know them a little better, I see who they really under all the masks, covers, learnt behaviours and the huge potential of them. Not having understood this may not be something everyone can I just thought it was the way things were. This for the most part has really helped me when working with friends or clients to gain clarity and understand themselves better. The one area where it has not helped me is in my intimate love relationships. It occurred to me I was repeating the same cycle when it came to matters of a boyfriend or husband. Beside the fact of course without loving myself fully I was seeking their love to fill the void as I described in the previous post, I am now aware of the fact I fell in love with the idea of the potential person I could see and not the one in the present moment. This just spells trouble!
It is OK when you use this innate ability that I believe most women have, with friends, family and clients, however mine seems to be highly sensitive and has blinded me so much in the past when it comes to intimate relationships.
None truer than the one I have just experienced. When I connected with someone (doesn't happen too often) at such a deep level it took my breath away, I understood this as being one of those "special" relationships. As it happens so rarely in my life, when it does come I am totally consumed by it or should I say the "potential" of it. The reality of the last 3 months has shown me it is quite a different matter. I had this sense of unease and that something wasn't quite right. Now having looked back I can see in hindsight how this happened. If a potential other is so connected with you energetically it is hugely alluring and intense. It is much more so if you have the same outlook on life, the same understanding of your personal journey, similar appreciation for the same life changing experiences. However it does not or rather should not blind one to the reality of the situation and the truth of the persons present being. You can mistake heart felt connection and love with "being in love" especially with the "potential" of that person.
I had realised a while back after my last divorce I was constantly want to help the other person become more than what they already were. Now understand this was not just me wanting more for them, it was very much at the request and invite of the other. They wanted to improve themselves, they wanted to be more of something or the other and I had their "permission". It still wasn't going to work though as I have had my idea of what "potential" they had and they had their own idea. Most of the time luckily it was very close to being the similar idea but realistically the expectations I had were very much based on who and what I was as a person and not based on who or what they were in their current state. This opened up a can of worms as of course I used to get constantly disappointed, disillusioned and frustrated as they were not becoming what I believed their potential (my version of it) could be. They were happy with their own progress but had me still trying to push them to keep going, keep growing so that they would finally fulfil the illusion of the man I had "fallen in love with".
Ultimately I have never been in love with a man! Wow..........not surprised though as I am only now starting to understand self love and growing from the inside out. So to those that I have not been true to I am Sorry, Forgive me, I love you and thank you for this great lesson! x
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