The Year of the Water Dragon
Monday, 30 January 2012
Tuesday, 24 January 2012
My Grandest Illusion
This morning I woke up to such a clear message in my head that I had to lie in bed for a few minutes and allow it to really sink in! For the past few weeks I have been restless, unhappy, unable to sleep well, emotional and just generally not at ease. Now it finally makes sense!
I have a passion for helping people realise their full potential within themselves as well as in their jobs/businesses or even relationships. It is something I have been doing all my life however I do not seem to have learnt the most important lesson of all, which is what I have FINALLY learnt TODAY!
The illusion of seeing the potential in someone and recognising for who they are right now in this present moment. It sounds very simple but for me it is a revelation. For as long as I can remember I can look at someone and when getting to know them a little better, I see who they really under all the masks, covers, learnt behaviours and the huge potential of them. Not having understood this may not be something everyone can I just thought it was the way things were. This for the most part has really helped me when working with friends or clients to gain clarity and understand themselves better. The one area where it has not helped me is in my intimate love relationships. It occurred to me I was repeating the same cycle when it came to matters of a boyfriend or husband. Beside the fact of course without loving myself fully I was seeking their love to fill the void as I described in the previous post, I am now aware of the fact I fell in love with the idea of the potential person I could see and not the one in the present moment. This just spells trouble!
It is OK when you use this innate ability that I believe most women have, with friends, family and clients, however mine seems to be highly sensitive and has blinded me so much in the past when it comes to intimate relationships.
None truer than the one I have just experienced. When I connected with someone (doesn't happen too often) at such a deep level it took my breath away, I understood this as being one of those "special" relationships. As it happens so rarely in my life, when it does come I am totally consumed by it or should I say the "potential" of it. The reality of the last 3 months has shown me it is quite a different matter. I had this sense of unease and that something wasn't quite right. Now having looked back I can see in hindsight how this happened. If a potential other is so connected with you energetically it is hugely alluring and intense. It is much more so if you have the same outlook on life, the same understanding of your personal journey, similar appreciation for the same life changing experiences. However it does not or rather should not blind one to the reality of the situation and the truth of the persons present being. You can mistake heart felt connection and love with "being in love" especially with the "potential" of that person.
I had realised a while back after my last divorce I was constantly want to help the other person become more than what they already were. Now understand this was not just me wanting more for them, it was very much at the request and invite of the other. They wanted to improve themselves, they wanted to be more of something or the other and I had their "permission". It still wasn't going to work though as I have had my idea of what "potential" they had and they had their own idea. Most of the time luckily it was very close to being the similar idea but realistically the expectations I had were very much based on who and what I was as a person and not based on who or what they were in their current state. This opened up a can of worms as of course I used to get constantly disappointed, disillusioned and frustrated as they were not becoming what I believed their potential (my version of it) could be. They were happy with their own progress but had me still trying to push them to keep going, keep growing so that they would finally fulfil the illusion of the man I had "fallen in love with".
Ultimately I have never been in love with a man! Wow..........not surprised though as I am only now starting to understand self love and growing from the inside out. So to those that I have not been true to I am Sorry, Forgive me, I love you and thank you for this great lesson! x
I have a passion for helping people realise their full potential within themselves as well as in their jobs/businesses or even relationships. It is something I have been doing all my life however I do not seem to have learnt the most important lesson of all, which is what I have FINALLY learnt TODAY!
The illusion of seeing the potential in someone and recognising for who they are right now in this present moment. It sounds very simple but for me it is a revelation. For as long as I can remember I can look at someone and when getting to know them a little better, I see who they really under all the masks, covers, learnt behaviours and the huge potential of them. Not having understood this may not be something everyone can I just thought it was the way things were. This for the most part has really helped me when working with friends or clients to gain clarity and understand themselves better. The one area where it has not helped me is in my intimate love relationships. It occurred to me I was repeating the same cycle when it came to matters of a boyfriend or husband. Beside the fact of course without loving myself fully I was seeking their love to fill the void as I described in the previous post, I am now aware of the fact I fell in love with the idea of the potential person I could see and not the one in the present moment. This just spells trouble!
It is OK when you use this innate ability that I believe most women have, with friends, family and clients, however mine seems to be highly sensitive and has blinded me so much in the past when it comes to intimate relationships.
None truer than the one I have just experienced. When I connected with someone (doesn't happen too often) at such a deep level it took my breath away, I understood this as being one of those "special" relationships. As it happens so rarely in my life, when it does come I am totally consumed by it or should I say the "potential" of it. The reality of the last 3 months has shown me it is quite a different matter. I had this sense of unease and that something wasn't quite right. Now having looked back I can see in hindsight how this happened. If a potential other is so connected with you energetically it is hugely alluring and intense. It is much more so if you have the same outlook on life, the same understanding of your personal journey, similar appreciation for the same life changing experiences. However it does not or rather should not blind one to the reality of the situation and the truth of the persons present being. You can mistake heart felt connection and love with "being in love" especially with the "potential" of that person.
I had realised a while back after my last divorce I was constantly want to help the other person become more than what they already were. Now understand this was not just me wanting more for them, it was very much at the request and invite of the other. They wanted to improve themselves, they wanted to be more of something or the other and I had their "permission". It still wasn't going to work though as I have had my idea of what "potential" they had and they had their own idea. Most of the time luckily it was very close to being the similar idea but realistically the expectations I had were very much based on who and what I was as a person and not based on who or what they were in their current state. This opened up a can of worms as of course I used to get constantly disappointed, disillusioned and frustrated as they were not becoming what I believed their potential (my version of it) could be. They were happy with their own progress but had me still trying to push them to keep going, keep growing so that they would finally fulfil the illusion of the man I had "fallen in love with".
Ultimately I have never been in love with a man! Wow..........not surprised though as I am only now starting to understand self love and growing from the inside out. So to those that I have not been true to I am Sorry, Forgive me, I love you and thank you for this great lesson! x
Monday, 23 January 2012
Love - how does one love?
It is said that as an Aquarian (my Sun sign) we are aloof and no very romantic by nature. My Moon though is Pisces and they are very sensitive and romantic. So honestly where do I fit in, myself, personally and the great I am?
Well the first thing I know is I love people. I love most things in fact like nature, all animals, friends, family, business and life in general. But this is a kind of platonic love - a love of a different kind. Now I am realising that love is the strongest and most power emotion we as human have the pleasure of experiencing. Unconditional love for all those around you is what we are all peeling back the layers to expose as part of our life journey. It is what we are at our core. It is already naturally inside of us, but we have learnt how to cover it up, put it away and protect is from ourselves and others around us.
We try to define it, measure it, control it, rule it when all we have to do is BE it. Why then is it so hard to bring out of us what is so obviously the best part of us and can change the world as we know it?
I now understand (FINALLY) it starts with loving ourselves. So what does that really mean? Knowing yourself, your limitations, your values, your true worth, your good and bad points and still accepting and appreciating yourself for the truly unique and wonderful soul you are.
I have learnt recently sometimes in love, you have to be patient, don't rush in as it is important to notice if you are ignoring something in yourself, are you just trying to fill your own needs such as the lack of self love, lack of self worth or not feeling good enough? Where you not shown love as a child or made to feel as if you were not good enough or worthy enough? Are you seeking this from someone else to fill the void? When we do not learn to love ourselves first, appreciate and feel good about who we are and we are worthy of love and what the world has to offer, we find the patterns repeating themselves as they have done previously. Wow this was a big one for me as now I only truly see what I was doing. This type of repetitive behaviour can lead to unhappiness,especially when you feel you are not being paid enough attention in the relationship. It is important to look at what is lacking in your own life and begin to self heal so that you do not continue this destructive unhappy cycle. You are the only one who can change it.
I realised that holding back my true feeling can be worse than rejection, conflict or fear of getting hurt or let down. It is better to know what the real situation really is no matter how hurtful and painful it may be than to hide my feeling and always wonder what might have happened had I said what I felt or how i felt? When you speak your truth you honour who your are as your true self. You deserve to be heard no matter what your feelings. It takes courage and it can be daunting but the rewards are bigger than you could ever imagine as you step into your power and reveal your truth. You always know your truth as it is deep inside you. You can look elsewhere for it, in others in the ones we love but no one will know the truth more than you do. When we go with in ourselves through meditation and quieten ourselves long enough, we will find we have the answers we just need to release them and not be afraid. It is difficult to know the truth but do not be afraid as you will always be protected as long as you tune into the true you.
Sometimes it is necessary to let go and it doesn't mean you do not care about someone any more, its just realising the only person you really have control over is yourself and you can not live your life through others and expectations of others based on what you would do or how you would be.
One of the lessons in love is to have Trust. The lesson for us is to truly trust ourselves and our spirit, our true self. When we trust our senses to find what is right for us and know our intuition is guiding us by coming from the heart and a place of love, we must listen to that inner voice as it will NEVER lead us astray. How many times have you had that knowing feeling, gut instinct about someone or something, but have rationalised it, made excuses and justified it? I have done it just too many times and finally I am trusting myself and listening intently to the lessons.
I will leave you with this little story which I think perfectly describes what love is for me.....
Well the first thing I know is I love people. I love most things in fact like nature, all animals, friends, family, business and life in general. But this is a kind of platonic love - a love of a different kind. Now I am realising that love is the strongest and most power emotion we as human have the pleasure of experiencing. Unconditional love for all those around you is what we are all peeling back the layers to expose as part of our life journey. It is what we are at our core. It is already naturally inside of us, but we have learnt how to cover it up, put it away and protect is from ourselves and others around us.
We try to define it, measure it, control it, rule it when all we have to do is BE it. Why then is it so hard to bring out of us what is so obviously the best part of us and can change the world as we know it?
I now understand (FINALLY) it starts with loving ourselves. So what does that really mean? Knowing yourself, your limitations, your values, your true worth, your good and bad points and still accepting and appreciating yourself for the truly unique and wonderful soul you are.
I have learnt recently sometimes in love, you have to be patient, don't rush in as it is important to notice if you are ignoring something in yourself, are you just trying to fill your own needs such as the lack of self love, lack of self worth or not feeling good enough? Where you not shown love as a child or made to feel as if you were not good enough or worthy enough? Are you seeking this from someone else to fill the void? When we do not learn to love ourselves first, appreciate and feel good about who we are and we are worthy of love and what the world has to offer, we find the patterns repeating themselves as they have done previously. Wow this was a big one for me as now I only truly see what I was doing. This type of repetitive behaviour can lead to unhappiness,especially when you feel you are not being paid enough attention in the relationship. It is important to look at what is lacking in your own life and begin to self heal so that you do not continue this destructive unhappy cycle. You are the only one who can change it.
Sometimes it is necessary to let go and it doesn't mean you do not care about someone any more, its just realising the only person you really have control over is yourself and you can not live your life through others and expectations of others based on what you would do or how you would be.
One of the lessons in love is to have Trust. The lesson for us is to truly trust ourselves and our spirit, our true self. When we trust our senses to find what is right for us and know our intuition is guiding us by coming from the heart and a place of love, we must listen to that inner voice as it will NEVER lead us astray. How many times have you had that knowing feeling, gut instinct about someone or something, but have rationalised it, made excuses and justified it? I have done it just too many times and finally I am trusting myself and listening intently to the lessons.
I will leave you with this little story which I think perfectly describes what love is for me.....
“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you"
Be love x
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
Realities in your own perspective
So having now changed my working environment and released myself of all the daily stresses, I focused on my home situation. Isn't it funny how when we change ourselves to ensure we are better than we were, it is not always going to be good for those around us. This was certainly so in my personal relationships. It all started when I first discovered Lighter Life. A dieting programme that is extreme however very effective.
Part of the journey with them was learning about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). What is that I hear some of you say.....well at the time I had no clue either but sounded interesting as it involved changing your mind set around food or any other addiction. Little did I know that this first introduction to a change of mindset would later open my mind to other concepts such as NLP.
It was extremely successful in helping me to reduce my weight by over 5 stone within 3 months and forever change my eating habits and how I related to food. However there was an interesting twist in this story, I was so excited about reducing my weight that I didn't notice that in fact my ex-husband (husband at the time) actually was getting more and more insecure in our relationship.
What I didn't at the time was that I was not only changing shape and looking much better but my personality, confidence and behaviours had also changed. Basically my husband was now married to a different looking and behaving wife. Now for most people this would be a great result as of course our loved ones want us to be fit and healthy and look good and feel great about ourselves, don't they?
Well as it turned out, mine didn't. He suddenly became very insecure, wasn't happy with what I was wearing, kept checking up on me when out with friends or working late and we fought a lot! I couldn't understand it! Now I do..... having looked back and realised that in fact I was much more confident, wasn't settling for his bad behaviour, his insecurities and with him not having any ambitions to improve his life or our life. Then of course I joined the personal development world and that just turned our relationship inside out. Initially I was just going on these courses - however every time I returned home, I was significantly different as I had experienced so many shifts and changes in my thinking and even the way I looked.
Once you start learning this kind of information you can't undo it or go back to the old way of thinking and this is when the real problems started. I was so engrossed in this new life, this new me, this new environment and then in this new job that my husband could not really relate too. He had come on one of the intro events but I just felt the timing for him was not right and he didn't really get any of it. However he did remain supportive as he could see I was happy. However this was not to last as we great apart in so many ways.
I was aware this could happen as being in the position I was with the business I could see it happening to many couples - it either brings you closer together or reveals all the real cracks in your relationship. Unfortunately for us it was very much highlighting our differences and how much we had grown apart.
I then decided after a year of trying to work on it (especially with the tools I now had and the understanding I would not have had previously) however it has to come from both sides, and it didn't. To cut a very long boring story short, it ended rather badly and cost a lot of money and an entire year of heart ache, anger, daily living together challenges and all kinds of unwanted problems.
In the end he was removed from the property and 4 months later we were divorced. It was all terribly traumatic and something I have learnt a lot from never to do again.
I certainly hope he is happier now as I know I am. The last 3 years of my life have been the most challenging and yet most rewarding years and I am now seriously looking forward to 2012 continuing as it is as so far it has started superbly!
I look back on a personal level and realise how far I have come and so much better for it!
Part of the journey with them was learning about Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). What is that I hear some of you say.....well at the time I had no clue either but sounded interesting as it involved changing your mind set around food or any other addiction. Little did I know that this first introduction to a change of mindset would later open my mind to other concepts such as NLP.
It was extremely successful in helping me to reduce my weight by over 5 stone within 3 months and forever change my eating habits and how I related to food. However there was an interesting twist in this story, I was so excited about reducing my weight that I didn't notice that in fact my ex-husband (husband at the time) actually was getting more and more insecure in our relationship.
What I didn't at the time was that I was not only changing shape and looking much better but my personality, confidence and behaviours had also changed. Basically my husband was now married to a different looking and behaving wife. Now for most people this would be a great result as of course our loved ones want us to be fit and healthy and look good and feel great about ourselves, don't they?
Well as it turned out, mine didn't. He suddenly became very insecure, wasn't happy with what I was wearing, kept checking up on me when out with friends or working late and we fought a lot! I couldn't understand it! Now I do..... having looked back and realised that in fact I was much more confident, wasn't settling for his bad behaviour, his insecurities and with him not having any ambitions to improve his life or our life. Then of course I joined the personal development world and that just turned our relationship inside out. Initially I was just going on these courses - however every time I returned home, I was significantly different as I had experienced so many shifts and changes in my thinking and even the way I looked.
Once you start learning this kind of information you can't undo it or go back to the old way of thinking and this is when the real problems started. I was so engrossed in this new life, this new me, this new environment and then in this new job that my husband could not really relate too. He had come on one of the intro events but I just felt the timing for him was not right and he didn't really get any of it. However he did remain supportive as he could see I was happy. However this was not to last as we great apart in so many ways.
I was aware this could happen as being in the position I was with the business I could see it happening to many couples - it either brings you closer together or reveals all the real cracks in your relationship. Unfortunately for us it was very much highlighting our differences and how much we had grown apart.
I then decided after a year of trying to work on it (especially with the tools I now had and the understanding I would not have had previously) however it has to come from both sides, and it didn't. To cut a very long boring story short, it ended rather badly and cost a lot of money and an entire year of heart ache, anger, daily living together challenges and all kinds of unwanted problems.
In the end he was removed from the property and 4 months later we were divorced. It was all terribly traumatic and something I have learnt a lot from never to do again.
I certainly hope he is happier now as I know I am. The last 3 years of my life have been the most challenging and yet most rewarding years and I am now seriously looking forward to 2012 continuing as it is as so far it has started superbly!
I look back on a personal level and realise how far I have come and so much better for it!
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